Teen Dating / Domestic Violence


Teen dating violence often is hidden because teenagers typically:

  • are inexperienced with dating relationships.
  • are pressured by peers to act violently.
  • want independence from parents.
  • have "romantic" views of love.

Teen dating violence is influenced by how teenagers look at themselves and others.

Young men may believe:

  • they have the right to "control" their female partners in any way necessary.
  • "masculinity" is physical aggressiveness
  • they "possess" their partner.
  • they should demand intimacy.
  • they may lose respect if they are attentive and supportive toward their girlfriends.

Young women may believe:

  • they are responsible for solving problems in their relationships
  • their boyfriend's jealousy, possessiveness and even physical abuse, is "romantic."
  • abuse is "normal" because their friends are also being abused.
  • there is no one to ask for help.

Teenagers can choose better relationships when they learn to identify the early warning signs of an abusive relationship, understand that they have choices, and believe they are valuable people who deserve to be treated with respect.
 
Early warning signs that your date may eventually become abusive:
 
  • Extreme jealousy
  • Controlling behavior
  • Quick involvement
  • Unpredictable mood swings
  • Alcohol and drug use
  • Explosive anger
  • Isolates you from friends and family
  • Uses force during an argument
  • Shows hypersensitivity
  • Believes in rigid sex roles
  • Blames others for his problems or feelings
  • Cruel to animals or children
  • Verbally abusive
  • Abused former partners
  • Threatens violence
Common clues that indicate a teenager may be experiencing dating violence:
 
  • Physical signs of injury
  • Truancy, dropping out of school
  • Failing grades
  • Indecision
  • Changes in mood or personality
  • Use of drugs/alcohol
  • Pregnancy
  • Emotional outburst
  • Isolation
 
Help is available for teenagers
If you are a teenager involved in an abusive relationship, you need to remember that no one deserves to be abused or threatened. Remember you cannot change your batterer, and in time the violence will get worse.

Safety Planning for Teens
You should think ahead about ways to be safe if you are in a dangerous or potentially dangerous relationship. Here are some things to consider in designing your own safety plan.

  • What adults can you tell about the violence and abuse?
  • What people at school can you tell in order to be safe--teachers, principal, counselors, security?
  • Consider changing your school locker or lock.
  • Consider changing your route to/from school.
  • Use a buddy system for going to school, classes and after school activities.
  • What friends can you tell to help you remain safe?
  • If stranded, who could you call for a ride home?
  • Keep a journal describing the abuse.
  • Change  your cell phone number.
  • Delete and block your abuser, their friends or anyone else that you may have in common from all PC programs such as facebook or myspace.
  • Never let anyone at school pull you off alone.
  • If something does not feel right to you listen to your instincts.
  • Always let someone that you can trust know your comings and goings and what to do if something is not right with your schedule.

If your abuser or stalker can isolate you, you are in danger because if that person worked to isolate you then he or she has a plan and it is all about them, not you!  Slaking and abuse is not a game. The I'm sorry for what happened can never undo the physical or emotional damage, the rape or the murder.

Women ages 16 to 24 experience the highest per capita rates of intimate violence--nearly 20 per 1000 women.
(Bureau of Justice Special Report: Intimate Partner Violence, May 2000)
Teen Dating Statistics
  • About one in three high school students have been or will be involved in an abusive relationship.
  • Forty percent of teenage girls ages 14 to 17 say they know someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend.
  • In one study, from 30 to 50 percent of female high school students reported having already experienced teen dating violence.
  • Teen dating violence most often takes place in the home of one of the partners.
  • 7 percent of all murder victims were young women who were killed by their boyfriends.
  • One in five or 20 percent of dating couples report some type of violence in their relationship.
  • One of five college females will experience some form of dating violence.
  • A survey of 500 young women, ages 15 to 24, found that 60 percent were currently involved in an ongoing abusive relationship and all participants had experienced violence in a dating relationship.
  • One study found that 38 percent of date rape victims were young women from 14 to 17 years of age.
  • A survey of adolescent and college students revealed that date rape accounted for 67 percent of sexual assaults.
  • More than half young women raped (68 percent) knew their rapist either as a boyfriend, friend or casual acquaintance.
  • Six out of 10 rapes of young women occur in their own home or a friend or relative's home, not in a dark alley.
  • More than 4 in every 10 incidents of domestic violence involves non-married persons (Bureau of Justice Special Report: Intimate Partner Violence, May 2000)

If you are being treated in an unwelcome way or if you are being abuse don't be
afraid to tell someone or get help.